Estoy muy ansiosa y nerviosa porque no tengo un idea de cual escuela asistirán el próximo semestre... que feo. Lo es una historia muy larga y no quiero contar todo... que complicada. Por supuesto, yo tengo los planes para el futuro. Me gustaría completar las clases de español y espero que vaya estudiar en el extranjero... estoy pensando en estudiar en Ecuador. No estoy segura de que año. También, voy a tratar de completar las clases para aplicar en la programa para los enfermeras... que sueña!
Bueno, espero que yo recibo una carta en el correo muy pronto. Luego, tengo que encontrar un lugar donde vivir y las clases y los amigos y las amigas. No conozco nadie en este escuela (si me aceptan aquí)... ay dios mio...CRUZAN LOS DEDOS Y REZAR! por favor!... que desesperada!
muchos besos y abrazos! mejores deseos! hasta luego, adiós!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
it's like I know where I need to be....
but I can't figure out..... I'm waiting for something beautiful
I'm a planner. I like to have everything organized. I make lots of lists. I enjoy arranging, rearranging, scheduling, etc. I like to have everything planned out in a sensible and realistic way. Most of the times I attempt to weigh every option, every pro, every con, and every possible situation, all the while being mindful of the logistics, statics, advantages and disadvantages. Then when I’m finished planning I start to make back up plans since nothing always goes as planned. And when suddenly plans A, B, and C AND D fail, I’m reminded that I as much as I try to prepare myself, I’m not always prepared and usually this can be quite devastating.
During these devastating moments when I think ‘my life is over’, I’m freaking out and hysterically crying, all I can think is “I planned everything out.” It’s a feeling of loneliness, emptiness, doubtfulness and leaves me with so many unanswered questions. It’s like being lost and when you think you’ve taken the right road to get back on course, you see the same brick house you’ve passed twice already and then finally the bright yellow ‘dead end’ sign.
As I go through this relentless, ridiculous cycle I realize God is telling me “No Jessica, that’s not part of MY plan." It’s a hard realization to come to when God is telling me “no”, but I also know that His plan for me was planned way before I even began any of my planning. After each let down, I’m reminded that people and things will let me down, but God refuses to let me down. There really is no dead end, only new beginnings. I’m never truly lost. He’s always there with me, leading me guiding me, whether I’m obeying or not.
My fear of the unknown often holds me back, but I’m learning through these situations that the unexpected things are blessings in disguise that I would’ve never thought of or planned.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." -- Jeremiah 29:11
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” -- Romans 8:28
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” -- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
My plans are significantly changing in so many ways but I give all my plans to God so that He may use them for His will.
Amen.
I'm a planner. I like to have everything organized. I make lots of lists. I enjoy arranging, rearranging, scheduling, etc. I like to have everything planned out in a sensible and realistic way. Most of the times I attempt to weigh every option, every pro, every con, and every possible situation, all the while being mindful of the logistics, statics, advantages and disadvantages. Then when I’m finished planning I start to make back up plans since nothing always goes as planned. And when suddenly plans A, B, and C AND D fail, I’m reminded that I as much as I try to prepare myself, I’m not always prepared and usually this can be quite devastating.
During these devastating moments when I think ‘my life is over’, I’m freaking out and hysterically crying, all I can think is “I planned everything out.” It’s a feeling of loneliness, emptiness, doubtfulness and leaves me with so many unanswered questions. It’s like being lost and when you think you’ve taken the right road to get back on course, you see the same brick house you’ve passed twice already and then finally the bright yellow ‘dead end’ sign.
As I go through this relentless, ridiculous cycle I realize God is telling me “No Jessica, that’s not part of MY plan." It’s a hard realization to come to when God is telling me “no”, but I also know that His plan for me was planned way before I even began any of my planning. After each let down, I’m reminded that people and things will let me down, but God refuses to let me down. There really is no dead end, only new beginnings. I’m never truly lost. He’s always there with me, leading me guiding me, whether I’m obeying or not.
My fear of the unknown often holds me back, but I’m learning through these situations that the unexpected things are blessings in disguise that I would’ve never thought of or planned.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." -- Jeremiah 29:11
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” -- Romans 8:28
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” -- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
My plans are significantly changing in so many ways but I give all my plans to God so that He may use them for His will.
Amen.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
"I'm a realist." "You're not a realist. You're a dreamer who doesn't believe in the dream."
-true. Lately I've been reading a lot. I used to buy used books from Amazon but that gets pricey. I only had one more book left so I had this idea to go to Goodwill. The selection was pretty impressive and everything was $1! So needless to say I got 7 books and I've already read 2. So far this summer I've read a total of 3 books. My whole freshman year I could barely do 15 page reading assignments. First I read "The Man of My Dreams" by Curtis Sittenfield, who also wrote "PREP"... both good reads. Then I read "The Shack" which was a totally different genre of book for me. I've never read anything about religion besides "Blue Like Jazz" but the Shack was really good. It personifies God as a humorous black woman who tries to mend a relationship with a man who's daughter was murdered. It brings about some really deep, heart provoking questions and a different look at why bad things happen to good people and vice versa. Today I just finished "The Myth of You & Me" by Leah Stewart which is about a girl who had abandoned her childhood & college best friend 9 years ago. She reminisces about all the good and bad times they spent together and how she basically shaped her into the person she is today. She wants to make up for lost time and rekindle their friendship but most of the time she questions whether her memory is just a dream she's made up. It really makes you think about all the friends you've had in your life and how they've affected your past, the present and if they will continue to affect your life in the future.. or if they'll just screw your boyfriend behind your back and you'll abandon them in a gas station parking lot.
I certainly agree that my friends throughout my 18 years have shaped my life in various ways. I think everything, every person and every experience has as well. Friends come and go, stay and leave, build and break. We've all had our 'best friends', and at that time they were the best but looking back you realize the total opposite. Relationships are give and take most of the time... "How can I benefit?" and "What's in it for me?" It's a very selfish concept but when you have a true friendship, it's a combination of checks and balances, strengths and weaknesses but you share in them. You don't take what you need when you need it... it becomes a necessity. You don't give when you want or when you're wanted.. you're always giving. Of course I'm no expert at relationships and friendships and I haven't been friends with the same people my entire life either. I like to say I've acquired friends throughout different stages of my life. They've all come from different experiences. The definition of a friend is pretty broad but also specific these days. I mean, I have like 900 "friends" on facebook... what's that mean? Some I've added from only one encounter, never to speak to them again. Some are old friends that I often reconnect with by simply stalking their profiles. It's a different world today. I have proof that my relationships weren't myths... there are pictures and videos of us laughing, crying, and having the time of our lives. It's crazy how I can see/hear/eat/smell/or touch something and then instantly be taken back to a memory. Sometimes they're clear and specific, others are vague and questionable. But there's no doubt about it. I hear a song and I'm taken back to prom '09 on the party bus or I eat a pixie stick, and I'm taken back to ninth grade JV cheerleading practices. Names, places, events, everything comes flooding back. Sometimes it's overwhelming but it's also a rush of nostalgia. I'm grateful for these times. It's my past but it's still affecting me today and it may affect me forever, even if that friendship and the experience is over. A friend is a blessing. "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." -Prov. 18:24
A last quote from "The Myth of You & Me"...
"A happy ending isn't really the end. It's just the place where you choose to stop telling the story."
I'm going to start a new book! Feel free to send me your recommendations!
I certainly agree that my friends throughout my 18 years have shaped my life in various ways. I think everything, every person and every experience has as well. Friends come and go, stay and leave, build and break. We've all had our 'best friends', and at that time they were the best but looking back you realize the total opposite. Relationships are give and take most of the time... "How can I benefit?" and "What's in it for me?" It's a very selfish concept but when you have a true friendship, it's a combination of checks and balances, strengths and weaknesses but you share in them. You don't take what you need when you need it... it becomes a necessity. You don't give when you want or when you're wanted.. you're always giving. Of course I'm no expert at relationships and friendships and I haven't been friends with the same people my entire life either. I like to say I've acquired friends throughout different stages of my life. They've all come from different experiences. The definition of a friend is pretty broad but also specific these days. I mean, I have like 900 "friends" on facebook... what's that mean? Some I've added from only one encounter, never to speak to them again. Some are old friends that I often reconnect with by simply stalking their profiles. It's a different world today. I have proof that my relationships weren't myths... there are pictures and videos of us laughing, crying, and having the time of our lives. It's crazy how I can see/hear/eat/smell/or touch something and then instantly be taken back to a memory. Sometimes they're clear and specific, others are vague and questionable. But there's no doubt about it. I hear a song and I'm taken back to prom '09 on the party bus or I eat a pixie stick, and I'm taken back to ninth grade JV cheerleading practices. Names, places, events, everything comes flooding back. Sometimes it's overwhelming but it's also a rush of nostalgia. I'm grateful for these times. It's my past but it's still affecting me today and it may affect me forever, even if that friendship and the experience is over. A friend is a blessing. "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." -Prov. 18:24
A last quote from "The Myth of You & Me"...
"A happy ending isn't really the end. It's just the place where you choose to stop telling the story."
I'm going to start a new book! Feel free to send me your recommendations!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
stress in the sun?
Who knew the summer would have it's own stresses completely unrelated to school? Oh well, I'm thankful for this break that is flying byyy!
I have to start "working" or sitting babies this week AND I'm teaching vacation bible school. Tonight was the first night and of course I would be assigned the 4th & 5th graders but they were awesome. I really am in love with children. They are all SO different and their personalities are so engaging. I try and include everyone but the girls know all the answers. There was one boy who was very polite but quiet. He would raise his hand and say "excuse me". I asked him to read a passage from Psalms as a prayer. Everyone bowed their heads and after his first sentence I realized I had given him the King James Version with the challenging vocabulary including 'thy, thou, & hast'... whoops. I let him struggle for about 2 minutes and then I finished with a prayer. After everyone had left the classroom he lingered behind helping me clean. As I was frantically moving chairs and picking up pens he said in the most sincere voice "I'm sorry. My mom reads the bible to me only sometimes. I had never read it before. That was my first time." BAM! That hit me like a brick wall! Of all the kids, I asked HIM to read the passage. I told him he did awesome and quickly thanked God for that experience. I volunteered for VBS during first semester bc I knew it would give me something to do and I figured I'd get something out of it. Little did I know that it would affect me in such a way. SUCCESS!
As I mingled with the adults, EVERYONE asked me if I wanted to be a teacher and I tried not to rudely say "HECK NO". Most of them actually advised me not to but I tried to explain to them that it could be a possibility. I wouldn't mind being an ESL teacher since you don't have to actually teach anything except English. And my Spanish degree would actually be put to use. Strangely enough, I checked my email just now and I got a newsletter from Goabroad.com and they were advertising teaching English abroad... hmmmmmmmmm. Of course I have a plan for my career but it's always good to have multiple backups. All I know right now is I LOVE the Spanish language (and children) and God obviously has a wonderful plan that I can't even imagine!
I guess you may be wondering how any of that can be stressful, but I guess it's the good kind of stress that keeps you going and makes you want to get out of bed in the morning. Even when things are going 1,000 mph, I still try to remember the words of the great creator...
"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
Keep the faith <><,
Jessicaa
I have to start "working" or sitting babies this week AND I'm teaching vacation bible school. Tonight was the first night and of course I would be assigned the 4th & 5th graders but they were awesome. I really am in love with children. They are all SO different and their personalities are so engaging. I try and include everyone but the girls know all the answers. There was one boy who was very polite but quiet. He would raise his hand and say "excuse me". I asked him to read a passage from Psalms as a prayer. Everyone bowed their heads and after his first sentence I realized I had given him the King James Version with the challenging vocabulary including 'thy, thou, & hast'... whoops. I let him struggle for about 2 minutes and then I finished with a prayer. After everyone had left the classroom he lingered behind helping me clean. As I was frantically moving chairs and picking up pens he said in the most sincere voice "I'm sorry. My mom reads the bible to me only sometimes. I had never read it before. That was my first time." BAM! That hit me like a brick wall! Of all the kids, I asked HIM to read the passage. I told him he did awesome and quickly thanked God for that experience. I volunteered for VBS during first semester bc I knew it would give me something to do and I figured I'd get something out of it. Little did I know that it would affect me in such a way. SUCCESS!
As I mingled with the adults, EVERYONE asked me if I wanted to be a teacher and I tried not to rudely say "HECK NO". Most of them actually advised me not to but I tried to explain to them that it could be a possibility. I wouldn't mind being an ESL teacher since you don't have to actually teach anything except English. And my Spanish degree would actually be put to use. Strangely enough, I checked my email just now and I got a newsletter from Goabroad.com and they were advertising teaching English abroad... hmmmmmmmmm. Of course I have a plan for my career but it's always good to have multiple backups. All I know right now is I LOVE the Spanish language (and children) and God obviously has a wonderful plan that I can't even imagine!
I guess you may be wondering how any of that can be stressful, but I guess it's the good kind of stress that keeps you going and makes you want to get out of bed in the morning. Even when things are going 1,000 mph, I still try to remember the words of the great creator...
"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
Keep the faith <><,
Jessicaa
Friday, June 4, 2010
my blog has a first name
b l o g sounds like the way I used to incorrectly pronounce bologna. hate that stuff.
Well, this web logging stuff used to be fun in middle school... So bienvenidos!!! I hope you enjoy reading what I enjoy writing (even if it is in a different language sometimes).
Well, this web logging stuff used to be fun in middle school... So bienvenidos!!! I hope you enjoy reading what I enjoy writing (even if it is in a different language sometimes).
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